Luxury Wirst Watch Bluetooth Watch U8 Smartwatch Digital Sport Watches for Apple IOS Android phone Wearable Electronic Devices (WHL #24)
Dave Jones sometimes sniffs when he senses bullshit. I’ve got a strange sensation too, I feel a wank incoming…
Today’s item is something that I ordered for a friend. It cost 8.29€ on AliExpress (back in January 2017, and that was the second attempt), and I actually ordered two of them. What do you need two watches for? I don’t know. Probably for salvaging parts… 
I don’t usually refrain from buying something that might turn out crappy. After all, if it’s total bullshit, I can always ask for a refund and show some disintegration pictures to prove my claim. But for this item…I don’t know. Quite often “you get what you pay for” holds true. Now, some fruit company from Cupertino charges you (at least) 350€ for a similar product, but we all know their thin profit margins. People calculated 75€ in parts. This watch is 8.29€ for basically the same thing, including shipping, currency conversion, handling, and the entire production stuff. And both the seller and the manufacturer maybe want to earn some money, too. Can’t really imagine what I should expect from such a cheapo.
Here’s the entire thing: (this is not gonna be an in-depth review, as I no longer have the unit here. I took the photos and gave it away)
Silicone wrist strap, certainly not the best quality, but does the job. The silicone feels fine, no oily parts, material strength and thickness is nice. I have to say however that I do not wear a watch. Ever. So I might be the blind talking about color and the strap actually is total and utter crap…but I don’t think so.
The only (hardware) button is on the right hand side and it turns on the watch. Glad the seller had the device precharged, yet date is slightly off The Micro USB charging port is on the left side and there’s a silicone flap covering the port. I wouldn’t trust that one to be water tight, even water resistant might be too much.
…which is already astonishing to me. To get this far, this thing has to have a microprocessor, a 128×128 color LC display with backlight (no OLED at that price point, are you insane?), a battery and a PCB to connect all these things. Someone must have written a basic GUI for it, and somebody put it all together. For 8 bucks, man…
That’s the home menu. And it works. Which means there’s a touch button PCB underneath and the LCD has touch capabilities as well. The micro has to support both. Even more impressive.
Well folks, this is the entire menu. In Germanish. So they even added translation files to parts the system 
The individual items are:
)Job half done, good enough.
So tried enabling bluetooth and connect the thing to my phone, which is the Galaxy S5 shown in the last post. Now hold on tight: It works. The damn thing really has bluetooth in it, it shows up on the list of available devices for pairing, and it really pairs nicely. Using the contact list menu option, it’s even able to pull the list of last calls and get the phone to dial one of the numbers again. But that’s not all: There is a functional speaker and microphone inside. To my amusement, you can actually call somebody and have a conversation. Audio quality is mediocre both ways, but I was able to talk a few minutes without problems. That really blew my socks off. Sure, it is awkward to talk to a watch, but it works. A friggen 8€ cordless heap of shit with a display can act as a bluetooth headset and interface with an Android smartphone. Wow.
The image above shows the screen when starting the “BT camera” menu. Thing is: There is no such app. There might be a “BTNotification” one in many different flavours, but at the time, they had entirely Chinese description. And …interesting ratings.
I don’t have much personal information on this Android phone and it is not rooted, but I don’t really trust some dodgy app that wants basically full access to everything on your phone (you know, reading contacts for pushing it to the watch, doing calls, sending messages, accessing the file system, sniffing GPS location, all that jazz). So…I didn’t try. If you do, please let me know. I’m not brave (mental?) enough to give some Wan Hung Lo NSA full access to my smartphone 
Two more photos to show you the actual value of this thing in real life:
That’s the calculator:
And that’s my thumb for size comparison.
Well, yes, it will do for the most basic tasks, and given a rough review, it calculates correctly But really, you don’t wanna use this thing. Nope. Easy software wank, but ultimately a waste of 1s and 0s.
Also note the display. In the first picture, you can actually see the TN panel degrading in contrast when not fully face-on (good luck getting your wrist angled that well!) On the bottom, you can admire the shine of the glass top. Well, that’ll gonna be really useful out in the sun.
And that is the fitness tracker. Sure, this thing even has an accelerometer to track steps. By just moving 25 steps forward, I burned 134µg of fat. Wow! (I really need a facepalm smiley, don’t you think?)
Before going to the most wanky feature, I’d actually like to post the user manual. Here it goes…
Bluetooth Watch Instructions
Thank you for choosing our the devices. You can read the manual, a comprehensive understanding of the use of equipment, in fact, with a taste of the function and simple method of operation.
This device is used as long as the brand of intelligent machines are adapted to use intelligent machines can synchronize phonebook and provides a variety of useful features and services to facilitate your work and leisure activities in the smart machine operations.
No more questions, thank you. Not guilty, this was just acting in self-defense.
The Company reserves the right to make any prior notice in the case of the contents of this manual for the right to amend, without notice.
When you get a the company equipment, and install “Smart watch.apk”program on the smart phone, realize SMS,LINE,Facebook,Instugrate,Facebook Message,QQ, weather forecasts and other instant messaging reminders.
Yes, Instugrate.
APK Access mode 1: Download by using Smart phone to scan the two-dimensional code below
(links to http://map.m.360.cn/t/S_2dRq9)
APK Access mode 2: Download from Web address
IP Address: www.myuwatch.com/Smart_Watch.apk
To be clear: They don’t even tell you to install some dodgy app from the official Play Store. They ask you to install some apk from filthy corners of the internet. Jesus Maria, how can anybody right in their mind follow this instruction? 
After installing “Smartwatch.apk” ,and smart phone connect to watch ,First open Bluetooth function of your smart phone and watch , phone will search watch Equipment name and initiate a connection, next smart phone will send “Bluetooth pairing request” and then you press “confirm” for pairing ,After pairing watch will prompt “** (Connected)” , About 5 seconds later the watch will prompt “sync date&time with remote” (functions of synchronousing date and time required to install ” Smartwatch.apk” in the smart phone ), while there is a “
” icon in the standby interface ,which indicates a successful connection between your smartphone and watch,After a successful connection you can operate watch according to the following steps
I understand your “.” key is broken and you use the “,” instead, but your klemping, plenking and all the unnecessary white spaces do not make this a better manual. Also, installing this infested apk might make your phone start a live stream to your Facebook account any time (or was it Instugrate? 
), so why bother manually pairing the devices, your phone can now do that on its own.
The whole machine institutions to introduce
Power on or off key/HOME key ~ Long press this button to start power on/off, Short Press to return to the standby interface.
Back key/Hang up key ~ click to back to previous menu or hang up when calling
Volume key ~ click to pop-up volume adjustment interface
Confirm/answer key ~ Standby interface click to enter the main menu, confirm key in the main menu,answer when calling.
Microphone ~ Don’t keep out the hole while calling.
USB port ~ battery charging.
Speaker ~ Don’t keep out the hole while calling.
RESET hole ~ click on this key to achieve the system reset when the watch is abnormal
I have no words for this. But don’t keep out your hole when calling someone.
Introduce the main menu: According to watch the main function is divided into 4 page
First page: Bluetooth,Phonebook,Dialer,Messaging;
Second page:Call log,Notification,Music,Remote capture;
Third page:Settings,Anti lost,Power saving,Ringtone;
Fourth page:Barometer,Altimeter,Pedometer,Stopwatch.
That doesn’t fully match my menu options. Outdated manual or outdated firmware on my part?
Function information:
*Bluetooth:Open this function will see the following menu
1) Bluetooth dialer ~ search and a matching connection with bluetooth devices
2) Bluetooth settings ~ Bluetooth can be turned on and off set and the machine equipment name display
*Phonebook:The watch is connected with the mobile phone will display mobile phone contacts in the machine(can display 1000)
*dialer: Watch is connected to the phone can dialer
*Messaging:Open this function will see the following menu,This function needs to install the “Smartwatch.apk” application for use in mobile phone terminal
1) Inbox: Show a mobile phone short message
2) Sent messages: Show a mobile phone sent message
*Call log: Open this function will see the following menu
1) Missed calls ~ Display the missed call ,At the same time can call the corresponding contact
2) Dialed calls ~ Display the dialed call,At the same time can call the corresponding contact
3) Received calls ~ Display the received call,At the same time cann call the corresponding contact
4) All calls ~ Display mobile phone calls all phone records
*Notifier:Can query the QQ/ Wechat and other timely news,This function needs to install the “Smartwatch.apk” application for use in mobile phone terminal
*Music:Can control the music playing in the mobile phone
*Camera:Remote on/off mobile phone camera press confirm to complete pictures
*Settings:Open this function will see the following menu
1) Clock type ~ For analog and digital clock selection
2) Set Time ~ Can set up time.
3) Set Date ~ Can set up date.
4) About watch ~ Display mobile phone software version information
*Anti lost:Watch wil shake alarm after keep away from the mobile phone for a certain distance,Open this function will see the following menu.
1) Enable
*Power saving:Open this function the use of the time of the watch will be more durable
*Ringtone:For different state set ringtones,Open this function will see the following menu.
1) Mute
2) Vibration
3) Ring1
4) Ring2
5) Ring3
*Barometer:Open this function to display the current atmospheric pressure altitude and the current temperature
*Altimeter:Calculation of vertical to watch moving downward relative height after a certain distance,Open this function will see the following menu
1) Cur_Altimeter(m)~
2) Set start altitude~ Click the menu setting initial height,Then the vertical upwards or downwards Watch
3) Relative Altimeter(m) ~ Display watch the relative height after vertical upward or downward
*Pedometer:Calculation of the walking distance of time (time, minutes, seconds) and the number of kilometers (km),Open this function will see the following menu.
1) Pedometer ~ After entering the menu then press the mechanical keys trigger timing starts
2) Last Record ~ Record the minutes of the last walking time and mileage
3) Step Setting(CM) ~ According to height ratio setting step distance
*Stopwatch:Open this function can be timing.
*Menu Style:Can change the Menu Style pisplay of the watch
*ClockStyle:Can change the clock pisplay of the watch
*Find phone: The phone will ring as soon as open this function(iphone disable)
*TimeDate:Can set the time and the date of the watchTip:This product’s battery is non-removable.And maybe the product cann’t power on when it is idle for more than a month on account of the wastage of itself.Please charge your device.
Aaaanyway. Now’s the time for the most wanky part. Get your tissue paper, you’ll need it.
For that, I even created a Youtube channel and uploaded a video of it. Enjoy!
Good Lord…
